Secrets & Admirers Read online

  The energy downtown was light and buzzing with happiness despite being slightly overcast. Jovie and Ewan fussed over the girls, zipping jackets and adjusting hats while we watched George toddle along on fat legs getting into whatever trouble he could find.

  “Beck’s asked about you.” Nick raised an eyebrow at me like I was in trouble and I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, like every damn day. To the point I want to cause bodily harm to him.” The last time we spoke was when the jerk was all judgmental about my lifestyle. I curled my nose at Nick, hopefully getting my point across. And suddenly, Beck appeared, just like magic. My nose wrinkle turned into a glare and Nick swallowed before trying to run far away. Rae promptly popped Nick in the back of the head and he grumbled an apology. At least Rae had my back. Beck and Briggs strolled up, like it was a casual encounter, but I knew better. If I had to deal with Beck, at least I got to stare at his brother.

  “You look nice, Harriet.” Beck stepped in close and his eyes wandered over me like he was undressing me. I looked down at my simple gray dress paired with black boots and thanked him, pulling my sweater tighter. He was wearing khakis and a polo paired with a dressy jacket, but Briggs had on cargos and a plain gray thermal shirt. He offered me a smile over his brother’s shoulder and tucked his hands in his pockets. Briggs was even more attractive standing there with that half-smile on his face than he had been at our awkward lunch. The shirt was pulled tight across his chest, and it bulged around his biceps. Despite being leaner than Beck, he was still well built, and so sexy.

  “Have you all eaten yet? The BBQ truck here is amazing.” I was forced to look at Beck again when he spoke.

  “Harriet’s a vegetarian.” Briggs straightened his posture after saying it like he was preparing for a fight. I hadn’t volunteered that information, but my veggie burger probably gave me away. Rae, Nick, and I watched the exchange as Beck whirled to face his brother. The tension between them was tangible and slightly scary.

  “I’m aware,” Beck growled at his brother, but Briggs just shrugged and turned toward the road lined with trucks. He was seemingly unaffected by his brother’s response, or wanted us to think that. Rae rolled her eyes as Beck linked his arm with mine and tugged me along. I sent up a silent prayer that Beck was not the man I had been talking to. Beck was pushy and cocky, not at all like the witty person I exchanged notes with, but had stalking down to an art. I slid my arm from Beck’s at the first chance and stepped next to Rae just as Amelia jumped at me from behind. I really didn’t want to cause a scene, but if he touched me again, I would.

  “They have tofu tacos, Harriet, and they’re awesome!” I let her hang on me for a moment before shoving her off. “And yes, Ewan knows I came to hang with you. Everyone is coupled up but us. Single chicks have to stick together.” Amelia elbowed me, tipping her head at Briggs, who was watching us with a smirk. Jovie was right, the girl had a sense about those things. “Who has the notebook now?” Jovie loved to gossip, but at least she kept it in the proverbial family.

  “Uh, he has it for the weekend.” I handed Nick some money from my small leather bag when he ordered my food. Then Nick and Beck started a heated discussion over who was paying for my tacos. I ignored it. Nick could pay or not, but I avoided conflict at all cost, and that argument was stupid.

  “Any clues as to who he is?” Amelia dragged me from the argument, digging for information.

  I shook my head. “None. He hides behind a newspaper when he’s actually on the bus, and as badly as I want to rip it away and make him face me, it isn’t my call. I’ll just wait for him to trust me I guess. Not like I’m getting any worthwhile offers, so no harm in flirting.” Beck handed me a paper dish of tacos and I thanked him. It was kind, but not when he was making a show of it. That made it arrogant and I wasn’t interested in arrogance. His brother, on the other hand …

  We went to a concrete picnic table and Beck made a point to sit next to me so I was sandwiched between him and Amelia. She rolled her eyes at him but smiled when Briggs sat across from me. Nick whispered an apology to me, and I answered him with a shrug. He was trying to be a good friend to a co-worker, not his fault I wasn’t feeling it. Beck and Nick talked work, Amelia made plans to babysit George, and I ate silently. So did Briggs. Something about his energy made me forget B—it made me want to force him into conversation instead of my mystery man. I also wanted to run my hands through the stubble on his face and kiss those full lips. In short, my lust was way out of control.

  Briggs spoke to me after stealing a glance at his brother. “What are you reading?”

  “About to finish Outlander, I’m a little behind where that bandwagon is concerned, but it’s really good.” I watched him chew, nodding. His eyes were the most beautiful shade of earthy brown and I wanted to lose myself in them entirely.

  “Good series. She writes a good book.” He smirked, I returned it, and we went back to silence as other conversations moved around us. How no one noticed our heated stares was a mystery. Every time Briggs looked my way, I could feel it like a touch, sending a shiver through me, and had to meet his eyes. There weren’t actual words exchanged, but there was definitely something there. By the end of our meal, my breathing was erratic from the silent conversation. Briggs looked at me like he could see my every thought, and in that moment, my thoughts were pretty embarrassing.

  Beck tried to get me alone several times during the rest of the day, but I managed to stay with the group without bruising his precious ego. The more he talked—or bragged—the less I liked him. He went on and on about how he sealed this deal or that deal with only making demands and made a point to mention that Briggs wasn’t demanding enough to do his job. To each their own path, but the way he put down others to build himself up was harsh. Beck even dogged Nick a few times, talking about some computer system not working properly. Somehow in his stories, Beck always swooped in to save the day, and everyone else was an idiot. I could see where other women bought his act, but I was too jaded for all that. I may not remember things, but I knew a manipulator when I saw one. I lived with one my entire life.

  The art was amazing and I tried to focus on that as we walked. One man did an Andy Warhol and a woman had done a Van Gogh with sunflowers, both perfectly executed. Most were holiday themed, showing families around glowing fires and decorated trees. Those were my favorites. Nothing made me more excited than knowing I was going to be celebrating Christmas again for the first time since Rae left for college. It was sad that the rain would be washing all art away soon.

  I was pulled from a drawing of dogs playing poker by Beck. “Can I take you to dinner this week?” His front was pressed against my back and his breath was hot on my neck. I took a small step forward, but he followed, touching my arm. My entire upper arm fit in his hand.

  “I don’t think so,” It was the best answer I could come up with. It was blunt, but not rude and hard to argue with. I had no problem turning him down, but Beck put me in the position of doing it in public. I side-stepped away from him, and Beck let go of my arm.

  “Are you seeing someone?” His eyes moved over my face, but I was focused on his brother behind him. Briggs wasn’t watching us, but I could tell he was listening and he looked tense. His eyes were on the art, but he wasn’t actually looking at it. Why could he not be the one asking me to dinner? We obviously had some sort of pull toward each other, and there was no way he didn’t feel it too.

  “No, I’m not.” I smiled and moved on to the next piece of art.

  “Then what’s the problem?” Beck grabbed my upper arm again, and I jerked away. He smiled like my discomfort was amusing.

  “The problem is, I don’t like the way you treat people, Beck, and don’t touch me again.” The jerk was a foot taller than me, but I was more than up to the challenge. Our stare down lasted until I saw Briggs step behind him like he was ready to intervene and my eyes darted him. Briggs’s jaw clenched in time with his fist and he pinned me with his stare.

  Beck took a step toward me, le
aning into my face, and pulled my attention from his brother. “I’ll win you over eventually.” Beck winked and I took another step back. I ignored his threat and left him standing there to catch up with Rae and Nick, knowing Beck was watching me walk away.

  He followed me around but didn’t say anymore. He actually ignored me entirely the rest of the trip, and it was a huge relief. Briggs kept up with his brother, putting himself between us more than once, and staying close. Briggs was obviously used to saving women from Beck, which was sad. While I didn’t need saving, he did make me feel less uncomfortable to have a buffer there. It was nice to know someone taller than five foot was in my corner.

  Rae and Nick dropped me off at my apartment and Nick apologized again for inviting Beck and Briggs without telling me. “I just mentioned it and it went downhill from there.” I apologized for his matchmaking not happening before kissing a sleeping George and waving them off.

  I laid back on the futon, Morticia on my chest, and tried to figure out if B was keeping me from looking at Beck as an option. What harm would dinner do? Was I shutting myself off to play a game with a man I didn’t know? Did I really want to suffer through a dinner with a man who only talked about himself? No, notebook man or not, Beck was not anyone I would spend time with alone, or at all. His brother was a different story, but his brother wasn’t the one asking me to dinner, unfortunately. Had Briggs asked me to dinner, I would have jumped at the chance for a real conversation and meal with him. Then maybe more than just food and conversation. My life went from easy to complicated with one damn notebook and three B names.

  Chapter Twelve

  Briggs

  The Chalk Walk was a disaster, and I’d feel the tension in my shoulders for a week all for one afternoon. It nearly killed me watching Beck eye-fuck Harriet like a love-sick puppy, but I managed to keep my cool. My brother wasn’t love sick, he was horny—big difference. If he knew how I felt about her, it would just be worse. When he touched her arm, I used every ounce of self-restraint to not attack him like an animal. Visions of throwing him to the ground and snatching up Harriet like a caveman went through my head. Harriet’s size didn’t mean a damn thing, either. When Beck got in her face, she gave it right back, letting him know just where he stood. My girl almost looked like she wanted to claw his eyes out. That would have been fun to watch, then I would have thrown her over my shoulder and taken her home. If only.

  It was just after Beck asked her out and she turned him down that Amelia strolled casually up beside me. She was an astute teenager, especially considering I had never officially met her. I knew Ewan from the accounting department of the last firm I worked for, and his wife was Nick’s best friend, but Ewan’s sister was a stranger. Amelia was a cute girl—glasses, round face, and just a hint of a European accent. Amelia bumped my shoulder as we walked. “You should ask Harriet out.”

  “She obviously isn’t interested, but thanks for the suggestion.” Was Amelia even old enough to date? How do you give dating advice when you aren’t old enough to drive?

  “Harri’s not interested in him.” Her head jerked to my brother who was busy making Harriet uncomfortable again. I slid my gaze to her, nodded once, and watched her amble off to join Harriet by another work of art. She stepped between my girl and my brother and nudged Harriet further away from Beck. I liked the girl a lot, but did I really want to take the word of a teenager when it came to something so important? The way she looked at me during lunch made me crazy. Those dark eyes were begging me to get lost in them, and her mouth, good God. But I just stared at her like an idiot, trying to ignore my cock acting like a jerk in my pants. It had been an eternity since a woman had me hard as hell, and all it took was Harriet staring at me across the table. I knew damn well that saying a word would have caused Beck to lose it, but I couldn’t stop looking at her, and Harriet gave it right back. I wanted to hide my creepy staring, but when her eyes met mine each time, it was a struggle not to snatch her up and drag her into my lap at the table. It was also a struggle to not get caught with a raging hard-on.

  “Can you believe that bitch turned me down?” I winced at his words. How dare he? How could he possibly call her that? Granted, he never got turned down, but still. A woman seeing through him did not make her a bitch, it made her smart. I was pissed, livid that he would talk about her like that, but kept quiet, biting my cheek to tame my anger. Him knowing how badly I needed her would just make it worse, but I desperately wanted to scream at him, tell him that Harriet was mine, and I would make his life a living hell if he touched her. I kept reminding myself to stay calm, keeping quiet while he complained and called some woman to set up a booty call.

  We got home to find Ma playing poker with her friends and left them to their game. I had to return the notebook the following day so I sat at my desk with Murphy at my feet, trying to respond, and fighting the urge to ask Ewan more about her. He and Nick obviously knew her a little better than I did. Hell, Harriet had even lived with Nick for a while, but I couldn’t make things awkward at work by asking Nick.

  “I have really created a shitty situation, Murph.” I rubbed his belly with my foot and started writing.

  H,

  I hope you had a nice weekend, the weather was lovely, but unfortunately that isn’t the same for Monday. I understand if you don’t want to get off early and walk in the rain just to leave me a note. I’m a Cancer, not sure how that works out with compatibility, but there it is. I like my coffee black and my eggs over-easy. Other than reading, I enjoy a good chess game and throwing a tennis ball for the dog. Masculine hobbies, huh? Is this the part where I tell you how boring I am? I have a dog, Murphy, he’s a nine-year-old black lab and my hiking buddy. I guess hiking is pretty manly. Is it safe to assume your cat is black? Morticia seems like a fitting name considering how vibrant you are. While it is nice that you appreciate my honesty, I’m not sure how you find what we are doing honest. I hide and send you messages, hardly an open relationship. Open, yes, but not honest. Honesty would be me talking to you, telling you in person how beautiful you are, and running my hands through your raven hair to pull your lips to mine. Just flipping through this book shows how different you and I are. Your pages are beautiful and bright, where mine are bland and boring. At least you don’t seem to fault me for my droll life. Tell me about your job.

  Sincerely,

  B

  Why was it so hard to just talk to her? I mean, we met, she knew me, but something about the note exchange made things more exciting. I could say what I wanted without any repercussions. I could say she was beautiful, or tell her about Penny without any awkwardness. The rest of my week revolved completely around our exchanges. I started only riding the bus a few days a week, leaving the book with Sal the rest of the time. He seemed amused by it. Plus, I paid him off. I had fallen into an abyss that was only Harriet and it was a little disturbing. I trusted Nick, and he swore Rae wouldn’t hear about it, so I confessed to him that I had a serious infatuation with Harriet. He smirked, promising to help me discreetly push that along. As Nick put it, “Beck doesn’t deserve someone like her, she’s way too good for that asshole.” I couldn’t have agreed more, but I wasn’t a good fit for her, either. When we talked through the notebook, I could pretend to be confident, I could pretend to be the kind of man Harriet would be proud to be seen with, but that was all a farce. Beyond being too weak to approach her, I was physically broken.

  B,

  If my flowery doodles aren’t off putting enough, I work at a mortuary. Makes my choice in cat names even more appropriate. It’s actually much more rewarding than it sounds. It’s nice to know that I helped give a family closure after such a devastating event. I also help at a friend’s grooming shop in the mornings. If your buddy Murphy needs some pampering, The Dog House is top notch. I highly recommend it. I have no problem walking in the rain being as I’m from Washington, rain doesn’t bother me in the least. Have you always lived here? Tell me more about your personal life.

  Sincer
ely,

  H

  I helped Ma into the booth at the bistro and we ordered our usual meal. Beck was who knows where, screwing who knows who again. As long as he kept away from my girl, I didn’t give a shit. I made it clear that I would not be picking up his sorry ass anymore, so who my brother was with was not my concern. Ma talked at me, rattling off about some gossip while I watched the train go by, and zoned out.

  “Will you meet her?” I blinked to attention. “I know you are too old for your Mom to set you up, but she is such a joy, Briggs.” Ma looked at me hopefully. Right. She had mentioned some woman that was at the library all the time. “I asked if she’s dating anyone and she’s not. I really think you would like her.” My mind screamed “no,” but with Ma looking at me like that, I agreed.

  “Sure, Ma. Not like I’m having any luck elsewhere. I’d love to meet her.” What is there to lose? I was getting nowhere with Harriet in my fictional world or in real life, so no harm in meeting Ma’s friend. I could at least humor my mother. Ma kept talking and I picked at my food. Not that I was happy before, but Harriet coming into my life was making me a complete train wreck. The woman filled my every thought and action, slowly driving me mad.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Harriet

  By Tuesday evening, I was a mess again. My whole balance was off. We hadn’t had any deep conversations, but I really wanted to know the man watching me, talking to me, and asking about me. It was infuriating and thrilling. I was growing bored with my obsession, bored with the lack of openness, and bored with the lack of physical attention. You could only take care of your own needs so many times before it got redundant. Then there was the man my dirty thoughts revolved around. Briggs. I thought about him, dreamed about him, and sketched him repeatedly. I wanted to touch him, get him alone. I had been with Blake and a few other guys, but Blake was the only one I had slept with. Even when things were new between us, I never got the warm feelings Briggs caused, and I barely knew the man. It was like this force, pulling me to him and making me want to lick every inch of him.